1. |
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Where do I begin
with the explanations
of last years interactions
and where I am now?
Well, I don't know yet
But you left and I'm still trying to figure myself out
and if I ever had a plan
So now it sort of feels like it never happened,
back to how it was before I ever even knew you;
before we called it "love".
So I'm left standing here
Waiting to have it all spelled out
'Cause I haven't got a—
I honestly don't have a clue what the fuck to do.
I know, it sounds pathetic,
I know that.
I swear I'm trying my best,
whatever that means.
I don't think I'm asking for too much,
and I refuse to stay here like this.
I think it's time I forgot you.
It won't be easy but I think I have to.
So now I'm forgetting you,
it's easy when you want to.
And I am finding out far too late
that maybe I was right before.
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2. |
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So now it seems about the time
For the pace you set to change
before your fingers ever had the chance to grow callouses.
But you did not wish to stop
and see what I saw,
nor did you hear
anything that anyone was saying.
Cast into unfamiliarity,
I thought of this as further still
from where you wanted to be.
You are ever aging
and never changing.
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3. |
...I Understand
07:19
|
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People are not made the same way
so it should come as no surprise to me
that I could feel so differently.
I don't think I ever really understood
what "friends" actually meant.
Filled with naïveté—
I'm convincing nobody but me.
When all that I ever could have needed,
or thought that I never had,
has actually been right here beside me all along.
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4. |
Eldritch
07:36
|
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Can't you sleep,
or have you told yourself
that you don't deserve to?
Are you waiting for something; anything?
Are you alive,
or is that just what we call this?
Maybe there just never is
a time; a place.
More often than not I find myself counting to ten,
making it through, and counting again.
I tried to find something
pure, pristine, and full of virtue.
But nothing of value remained
amidst the wreckage.
Coming home to nothing
again, and again, and again.
It's in what's left behind,
like you're still there.
But how can I possibly love myself
when I've been reduced to
something I don't recognize?
My anxieties amplify.
"Patience!" They scream.
Well I've tried, I've tried, I've tried.
It's been years.
When will this feel right?
If all things come in time
is this, too,
unavoidable;
ineludible?
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Still There Calgary, Alberta
Canadian "emo"
Est. 2017
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